Catch up on Mandalas

So my blogging on my Mandalas stopped at Stage 6 - which in fact turned out to be a pivotal stage.  That decision, that huge piece of art (compared with the ones that went before and came after) ultimately did turn out to be the start of a series of changes that have brought me to a whole series of endings and new beginnings :-)

So what happened in between?

Stage 7 Squaring the Circle.  This stage proved to be a challenge, yet again, this time because the mandala just didn't feel right.  I was very resistant to measuring and using compasses and a ruler after getting used to the more feminine mandalas of just allowing the process to happen. It took several attempts to feel the flow and create something that wasn't forced but even now, several months on, I don't like the overall effect!  Though that tells me a lot, especially considering what was happening in my life at the time....

Round 7 - Squaring the Circle

And this was an alternative version I did.  Although I like the colours more, it didn't feel 'true' to the exercise and was a bit 'wishy-washy' - a cop-out, lol.

And if I thought Round 7 was difficult, that was child's play compared with Round 8 !!  Again, having to measure angles and follow the prescribed patterns meant it didn't flow and I had several attempts at this one too.  So much is clearer now, with some time and distance from what was going on then - in July, August, early September, I was really struggling to stay in touch with my inner self, and desperately seeking answers to what turned out to be the wrong questions.  I actually gave up on this mandala in the end, scrawling "I don't know" across it in black marker pen when I couldn't find the answers I was looking for!

Stage 8 - Functioning in the World

Stage 9 was a relief as this one just flowed easily and I was very glad I hadn't just 'forgotten' how to relax into the process of creating the mandalas.  Even though this was still a 'measured' mandala requiring the use of compasses, I felt much happier with colouring this one in and love the overall effect, though it wasn't at all the effect I'd had in mind.  The petals are coloured with watercolour pencils, then 'painted' with water, the green and yellow are sponged acrylics.
By this time I'd decided that my relationship really was over and that I would be leaving my job at the end of my current contract.  I was planning for that to be the end of October (I wasn't expecting my boss to beg me stay until the end of project which at that point was due to finish on Christmas Eve).  There was a certain amount of relief in that decision and I was becoming more solitary and withdrawing into myself a lot, which made connecting to my inner wisdom a lot easier.

Stage 9 - Reaping Rewards

And so to October and Stage 10.  This was both painful and releasing.  There were a whole series of these "Letting Go" mandalas, only a few of which are shown here.  So many things to get go of, to say goodbye to.  I can't even remember what all of these represented now, though some of them are obvious to me - the first one was burned in a hotel room and I had quite a job to get the soot off the carpet when I dropped it, lol.  At the time, I was on a weekend retreat in Bristol doing more shamanic work in Council and this was a very appropriate healing time to release a lot of the past and a lot of hopes for the future that would never be achieved. 

Stage 10 - Letting Go

Stage 11 was another one that I was ready for.  "Falling Apart" was so painfully relevant as a topic and yet it was another form of release to do the exercises and examine different aspects of the situation in which I found myself.  And it turned out that my shadow side is still pretty well integrated, I have been very honest with myself (if not perhaps with others) for a very long time and there were no shocking surprises or ghastly revelations to sit with.  I found this series very comforting and relaxing, more of a confirmation of what I already knew than anything else :-)

1. Scratch Art mandala

 

The scratch art mandala was a lovely exercise.  I didn't really dislike any of the colours so just picked colours at random that I wouldn't normally use and coloured in the circle.  I actually liked the overall effect of the colours, nothing jarred or felt out of place.  And covering it all up with black was very peaceful, like laying a blanket over something that needed to be kept safe and warm.  The scratching was also therapeutic - my beloved spirals again, lol - and I love the final result.  

 

2. Fractured Ego mandala

 

Another exercise that I enjoyed, though I was expecting to find this a little more difficult.  I took a photograph of myself and cut it up, then stuck the pieces down over a circle I'd marked on the page.  The picture looks a lot more random here than it does to me in real life - the full size page is about A4.  Again, nothing particularly negative or shocking came up for me, though there were some interesting facets when I asked the mandala some questions. 

3. Fractured Ego mandala v2

 

I did this one a couple of days ago, so 2-3 weeks after the previous two.  I thought perhaps I wasn't trying hard enough to dig around for my shadow so I picked the two qualities that infuriated me most about Rich and worked with those.  Even then, it was easy to find the positives and where they had served me and I found this to be another calming exercise.  I am in a very peaceful state of mind and am definitely on the right path so perhaps I have done with trauma for a little while at least :-)