So, some massive changes and some difficult times.
The Reiki retreat was a challenge - I was slightly late arriving because I'd had a difficult visit with dad who wasn't well again, and everyone else was fairly settled. I was sharing a room so apart from walks, didn't really get much time on my own for the few days we were there. And I was exhausted. I slept every possible opportunity. Every break, either before or after meals, each time my head hit the pillow, I was out cold. And yet, never truly felt rested.
The sessions were very interesting and I was fascinated to see how I could merge my shamanic work more thoroughly with Reiki. We did treatments on each other and they were very powerful. One of my last ones, I had 'nerves in my legs' healed, which really gave me a jolt. Both mum and dad's illnesses have been to do with attacks on the central nervous system and I have been petrified of it happening to me!
Not long after I got back, I had a call from dad's cleaner telling me he was really unwell and she didn't know what to do. Later it transpired he had answered the door naked, and the whole house was covered in poo. Quite literally. Aga and I had a horrid time cleaning it all up - I did 7 loads of washing over 2 days to deal with it all :-( And after being passed from pillar to post, GP to 111 to 999, eventually dad was admitted to a&e for rehydration. Except that it turned out that although he was dehydrated, it was constipation that was the issue, not the runs, and he also was unable to pass urine. After having nearly 1.5 litres drained from his bladder (with a little left in to prevent bladder collapse), a catheter was inserted and dad and I were left in a side room overnight. I eventually left at 3am and went back to find that dad had been admitted properly with a UTI that was causing him massive confusion and delirium. And basically this turned out to be the start of several months of stress and trauma. Dad remained in hospital, moving between different wards, for nearly 7 weeks. His medication was assessed and reassessed through hallucinations, psychosis and debilitating side effects. He is now home but barely able to walk, at severe risk of falls, with carers attending several times a day. Plus he is on 'acknowledged risk' feeding where there is a high risk of choking or taking food or drink into his lungs due his swallowing reflex failing. Eating is one of the few pleasures he has left, so once it became obvious there was nothing more anyone could do for him, the restrictions were lifted. We know it will reduce his life expectancy, probably quite drastically, assuming a bad fall or major infection don't get there first. But we want him to have whatever quality of life we can manage, for whatever time he has left.
It has become very obvious that he is not coping at home so we are trying to find a care home place for him as quickly as possible. We always suspected that going home from hospital to his house was only an interim measure, to make the transition to a home less drastic, and now that has proved to be the case.
Sunday, 23 November 2014
Friday, 5 September 2014
Day 10 of 30
A bit of a strange day. Woke around 8:30 after being late to bed and yet again, felt pretty unmotivated to do any work on my bedroom. Eventually sorted myself out enough to head over to the Crystal Dragon to have a catch up with Clive, then spent the afternoon and evening with Caroline and the children which was great fun.
After reading with Lucy and Michael, Caroline and I ended up spending about 5 hours (!!) building Lego models from all the pieces we had sorted out earlier. A pretty decent collection of cars, planes and boats ended up on Michael's desk ready for him to play with when he gets home from his first day back at school tomorrow.
I still haven't started packing for my Shamanic Reiki retreat which starts tomorrow and I have to fit in another visit to see dad and get his invoices paid beforehand. And I really need to call a few agencies and get my CV sorted if I'm going to get a new job before the end of the month.
After reading with Lucy and Michael, Caroline and I ended up spending about 5 hours (!!) building Lego models from all the pieces we had sorted out earlier. A pretty decent collection of cars, planes and boats ended up on Michael's desk ready for him to play with when he gets home from his first day back at school tomorrow.
I still haven't started packing for my Shamanic Reiki retreat which starts tomorrow and I have to fit in another visit to see dad and get his invoices paid beforehand. And I really need to call a few agencies and get my CV sorted if I'm going to get a new job before the end of the month.
Day 9 of 30
03 Sept and a busy day ahead was planned. Except I couldn't get myself motivated enough to head over to dad's as I am completely exhausted. So resting this morning, then will attempt some gentle climbing at lunchtime, followed by more chilling out this afternoon. Maybe head over to dad's after that to sort his invoices.
Don't feel too bad after the box-fit class last night, really hoping DOMS doesn't kick in tomorrow, lol. Will head back over there for another session tomorrow evening and see how I get on. Getting back into it is the hardest bit, so if I just stick at it for a few weeks, I should be fine :-)
Had a great climbing session and tackled some tough routes, though didn't manage to finish all of them. More projects to work on :-)
Chill out session was fabulous, though I got home later than I expected. Took the Porsche out for a run with the top down and although I enjoyed it, I don't think I will really miss it that much.
Don't feel too bad after the box-fit class last night, really hoping DOMS doesn't kick in tomorrow, lol. Will head back over there for another session tomorrow evening and see how I get on. Getting back into it is the hardest bit, so if I just stick at it for a few weeks, I should be fine :-)
Had a great climbing session and tackled some tough routes, though didn't manage to finish all of them. More projects to work on :-)
Chill out session was fabulous, though I got home later than I expected. Took the Porsche out for a run with the top down and although I enjoyed it, I don't think I will really miss it that much.
Tuesday, 2 September 2014
Day 8 of 30
Second day of September and the sun is back out after a couple of days of almost non-stop rain. Perfect jumping weather and I'm at home stripping wallpaper, lol.
Lots to think about and process after my session with Sebastian yesterday. I can see how digging too deeply can cause people to come apart at the seams!
Need to do a load of tidying up too as Jon is staying tonight as he has a job in London and I haven't even started on tackling the stuff I brought back from nearly 2 weeks camping. Housework vs sunshine - hmmmm.....
So didn't do much on the bedroom but did 3 loads of washing, tidied up, had an hour of climbing and then an hour of box-fit. It was exhausting but I didn't do as badly as I thought I might. Burpees hurt my back too much so I do squats instead, but managed to keep going through all of the interval sessions without slowing down too much. I will definitely get fitter if I keep going, 3 minutes has rarely felt so long, lol. Probably haven't got time to go back tomorrow as I have to see dad, then am climbing at lunchtime and off to Kestrel in the afternoon. Will try to get back there on Thurs and sign up for the six week transformation programme. I have to shift the last few pounds I put on (managed to drop several already) then see where my weight settles. I've probably lost muscle as I haven't been really pushing it with the exercise so it will probably be a challenge to see a change in the scales. Time to get the tape measure out again....
Lots to think about and process after my session with Sebastian yesterday. I can see how digging too deeply can cause people to come apart at the seams!
Need to do a load of tidying up too as Jon is staying tonight as he has a job in London and I haven't even started on tackling the stuff I brought back from nearly 2 weeks camping. Housework vs sunshine - hmmmm.....
So didn't do much on the bedroom but did 3 loads of washing, tidied up, had an hour of climbing and then an hour of box-fit. It was exhausting but I didn't do as badly as I thought I might. Burpees hurt my back too much so I do squats instead, but managed to keep going through all of the interval sessions without slowing down too much. I will definitely get fitter if I keep going, 3 minutes has rarely felt so long, lol. Probably haven't got time to go back tomorrow as I have to see dad, then am climbing at lunchtime and off to Kestrel in the afternoon. Will try to get back there on Thurs and sign up for the six week transformation programme. I have to shift the last few pounds I put on (managed to drop several already) then see where my weight settles. I've probably lost muscle as I haven't been really pushing it with the exercise so it will probably be a challenge to see a change in the scales. Time to get the tape measure out again....
Monday, 1 September 2014
Day 7 of 30
01 Sept.
Have finished typing up the last few days journal entries so how are things today?
Still a bit tired but slept well in my own bed. Got a session with Sebastian this afternoon so need to get myself together and do some work on my bedroom before then. Very little motivation to get back to it though the thought of T staying over on Wednesday is a bit of an incentive. Since it is already past 11am, I had better get on with it, lol.
Stripped a lot of wallpaper and now feel motivated enough to continue tomorrow, with the aim of finishing as much as possible by the end of the week. Very tired now having had a 3 hour session with Sebastian and a pole class, plus have visited the new gym down the road and will be going to my first class tomorrow night. The plan is to do a six week trial membership and get properly fit again, which is desperately needed. I have lost a lot of my core strength and definitely need a lot more stamina.
Made some juices before going to pole class so have ginger shots and tomorrow's daily dose already prepared :-) I will get back on track!
Have finished typing up the last few days journal entries so how are things today?
Still a bit tired but slept well in my own bed. Got a session with Sebastian this afternoon so need to get myself together and do some work on my bedroom before then. Very little motivation to get back to it though the thought of T staying over on Wednesday is a bit of an incentive. Since it is already past 11am, I had better get on with it, lol.
Stripped a lot of wallpaper and now feel motivated enough to continue tomorrow, with the aim of finishing as much as possible by the end of the week. Very tired now having had a 3 hour session with Sebastian and a pole class, plus have visited the new gym down the road and will be going to my first class tomorrow night. The plan is to do a six week trial membership and get properly fit again, which is desperately needed. I have lost a lot of my core strength and definitely need a lot more stamina.
Made some juices before going to pole class so have ginger shots and tomorrow's daily dose already prepared :-) I will get back on track!
Day 6 of 30
Woke up groggy yet again. Desperately needed the loo but ignored it for over an hour to go back to sleep. Need to go to bed earlier but that won't happen today as I'm in the tunnel from 7-8 with nearly 2 hours to drive home.
Definitely back to juicing tomorrow - hate feeling this lethargic. And sort out the gym membership as I am sluggish and unfit plus I need to shift about a stone in weight. Madame Podgy!
Took it easy with packing up, starting gradually in the morning with most of the contents of the bell tent whilst keeping the stall open. Went to a Breath and Voice workshop with Gray (who forgot and was late, lol) which was intriguing even though I don't agree with all of his assertions. He believes that our given birth name is what links us to our ancestors and needs to be honoured. I believe that my name is a useful label that can be changed as circumstances dictate. But I did enjoy the sounding of the vowels for each of our names and felt more confident with my own voice. And I will do the exercises for my original given name as well as with my current name as there is obviously still more to be healed from my childhood. Layers upon layers, I do find it somewhat depressing that there doesn't seem to be an end to it...
Tunnel was great fun and my side sliding has definitely improved, though still quite a way from perfect, lol. Did some 3 way and that got better over the sessions too. Still need to remember to point my toes to keep my legs from waving all over the place. Got better with mantis position too - having my arms too high definitely makes me very floaty! It's hard work to keep them down but will practice that in freefall when I've got lots of space for my wobbles!
Definitely back to juicing tomorrow - hate feeling this lethargic. And sort out the gym membership as I am sluggish and unfit plus I need to shift about a stone in weight. Madame Podgy!
Took it easy with packing up, starting gradually in the morning with most of the contents of the bell tent whilst keeping the stall open. Went to a Breath and Voice workshop with Gray (who forgot and was late, lol) which was intriguing even though I don't agree with all of his assertions. He believes that our given birth name is what links us to our ancestors and needs to be honoured. I believe that my name is a useful label that can be changed as circumstances dictate. But I did enjoy the sounding of the vowels for each of our names and felt more confident with my own voice. And I will do the exercises for my original given name as well as with my current name as there is obviously still more to be healed from my childhood. Layers upon layers, I do find it somewhat depressing that there doesn't seem to be an end to it...
Tunnel was great fun and my side sliding has definitely improved, though still quite a way from perfect, lol. Did some 3 way and that got better over the sessions too. Still need to remember to point my toes to keep my legs from waving all over the place. Got better with mantis position too - having my arms too high definitely makes me very floaty! It's hard work to keep them down but will practice that in freefall when I've got lots of space for my wobbles!
Day 5 of 30
30 Aug.
Slept well after also having my nap yesterday when Ros was making her reindeer drum. Feel very groggy now though and not particularly well rested.
Drew a Goddess card and got Coventina: Purification. It is time for a cleansing detoxification of your body and mind.
That feels appropriate as I have been eating way too much junk over the last couple of weeks whilst camping.
Earth Magic card was Rainbow: Blessings. It fell out of the pack but I put it back and carried on shuffling. When it fell out again, I couldn't ignore it, lol.
Workshop with Leo Rutherford on Star Maiden Circle. Definitely shifted things for 2 people who went into the centre, and was very moving for the rest of us. Very similar to Pip's 'Working in Council' though the directions had slightly different meanings. The Medicine Wheel is also different to the Celtic Medicine Wheel with elements in different directions. I guess we each use what works for us, it's more about working around the circle rather than trying to cross it.
Second workshop with Leo on Shamanic Journeying - spirit guide was Golden Eagle. Live in your body, look after it! Follows on from Goddess card this morning so more clear messages :-) Journey to Lower World for myself. Ros's suggestion of what NOT to do worked better than several previous intentions to find out what to do next. Don't rent out house before Christmas, don't rekindle romantic relationship with Rich. Possibly give up skydiving. More clearing out. Definitely sell Porsche. Prepare for big shift.
Slept well after also having my nap yesterday when Ros was making her reindeer drum. Feel very groggy now though and not particularly well rested.
Drew a Goddess card and got Coventina: Purification. It is time for a cleansing detoxification of your body and mind.
That feels appropriate as I have been eating way too much junk over the last couple of weeks whilst camping.
Earth Magic card was Rainbow: Blessings. It fell out of the pack but I put it back and carried on shuffling. When it fell out again, I couldn't ignore it, lol.
Workshop with Leo Rutherford on Star Maiden Circle. Definitely shifted things for 2 people who went into the centre, and was very moving for the rest of us. Very similar to Pip's 'Working in Council' though the directions had slightly different meanings. The Medicine Wheel is also different to the Celtic Medicine Wheel with elements in different directions. I guess we each use what works for us, it's more about working around the circle rather than trying to cross it.
Second workshop with Leo on Shamanic Journeying - spirit guide was Golden Eagle. Live in your body, look after it! Follows on from Goddess card this morning so more clear messages :-) Journey to Lower World for myself. Ros's suggestion of what NOT to do worked better than several previous intentions to find out what to do next. Don't rent out house before Christmas, don't rekindle romantic relationship with Rich. Possibly give up skydiving. More clearing out. Definitely sell Porsche. Prepare for big shift.
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