Change is an ongoing theme!

 I knew it had been a while since I last created a blog post, but not quite THAT long!! 

I'm currently trying to get to grips with how this site works, as I can't remember some of the original features and others have obviously been added or changed in the intervening years.

I made a vow many years ago to learn something new every year and ever since making it, I have kept to it.  One of the few things that haven't changed, lol.  

So one of this year's skills that I decided to develop further was Zentangle (c).  I have doodled ever since I was a small child so some of the classic Zentangle patterns are very familiar to me and there are dozens that would never have occurred to me.  So I have been to a few classes, practiced a lot at home and follow various people on YouTube for tutorials and new ideas.  

During lockdown here in the UK, my CZT (Certified Zentangle Teacher) created a Zentangle competition to win some art supplies that had been kindly donated by another Zentangler.   I was inspired to put in an entry, and to my surprise, I won.  

They were inspired by my gorgeous black Labrador who came to live with me just over a year ago.  She's getting on a bit now at 13 years old, but she still adores her walks and loves her food.  She even comes paddle boarding with me, though she prefers to splash about in shallow water at the edge of the river rather than being ferried around on my SUP!

I am excited to be joining the October challenge that combines inktober and Zentangle into a 31 day challenge to create Zentangle art every day.  I tried a 100 day challenge earlier this year for creativity - I managed art as my creative focus on many days, but definitely not the whole 100!  Crochet also featured, as did creative writing and attempting wood-carving and pyrography....!!

Another thing I have been heavily involved with is the FreeMind system, which involves 3 core pillars to balance your life - Peace, Power and Purpose.  Over the last few chaotic months, I have come to value this system very highly.  

It was created by Tom Fortes-Mayer who runs frequent events and challenges to demonstrate how the processes work, as well as in-depth training and personal coaching.  His next challenge starts on 15th Sept and is called Shine Fire: Loving the Inner Child.  Feel free to click on the link to the right and pop over to have a look.  

I don't earn any money from these recommendations, they are genuinely things that I find valuable 

So many changes....

Life has continued to progress at a rapid pace (no rest for the wicked, lol) and more huge changes have ensued.  

It is now early October and I have just finished my life coaching sessions with Matt.  We have had such a joyful journey, and it has been so empowering (not to mention plenty of surprises) for both of us and I am truly grateful to have not only found him, but to count him as a dear friend :-)

We worked on so many deep issues and I moved through and beyond them all, in a variety of ways.  Matt helped me to review them all in our final coached session and I still find it incredible just how far I have come in a few short months.  My deep rage that so concerned me has dissipated - it was not just mine, but that of many generations of women who preceded me and that had to be resolved energetically.  We talked about feeling safe, holding space, managing boundaries, reflecting light and joy and through it all, I was bubbling over.  I have found my tribe and continue to find them, and there is another purpose that I will start to progress more once I have allowed all this work to settle and incubate for a bit.  Looks like I will be back to teaching, lol.  Definitely "seeding the change".  

I had a lovely reading from Spirit Rebelles, with the card 22. Collaborative Dreaming (how very apt!). 

Your vision oozes (in a good way) into the pores of everything you do, everywhere you go, everyone whose life and work you touch. Grow collaborations and new creations. It is TIME for a new world.

The write up in the book went on for pages but a few phrases really stood out for me.  

"Your heart is big enough to dream not only for yourself, but for a new humanity.  

You are being asked to honour your growing desire to co-create with conscious, like-minded people.

You are no longer to think of yourself as the lone wolf.

You must always trust your own voice above any other."

 I am solidly on my path, I am radiating joy and abundance and for the most part, my life is flowing smoothly, despite the fast pace.  All is well in my world <3 xx

Moving forward

So the life coaching continues in leaps and bounds, despite no real agenda in advance for each session.  In my quest to find more members of my tribe, I've signed up for The Healing Weekend at Secret World in Somerset in July and have bought my ticket for Into the Wild over the August Bank holiday weekend.  I'm considering a couple of others but am reluctant to commit to too many, as I want the freedom to just take off by myself if I need some space or get the chance to go wild camping.  
Latest revelation is that I need to make food preparation fun in order to let go of some issues that seemed totally unrelated until we dug deeper.  So far I've made chocolate fudge brownies with sweet potato and beetroot (gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, would have been vegan if I'd had maple syrup or agave nectar but had to make do with honey) and have figured out that I could do baked potatoes, and baked apples in the coals of a firepit or on a BBQ.  Need to go back to Tesco to see if they have any of the little BBQ buckets left I think, though I would have preferred a version with a lid!

Bought some purple nail varnish to paint my nails but haven't quite got around to it yet - Matt is waiting for the photos so will need to do it soon, lol.  

 

Turbulent few months and more massive changes

So things went from bad to worse with Dad, with a miserable Christmas and then New Year spent back in A&E followed by readmittance to hospital.  Another stressful 6 weeks or so in various wards, followed by transfer to a nursing home for 24 x 7 care.  He is now relatively settled there, though there have been many ups and downs, and his condition is worsening quite significantly from one week to the next.  So we are on the final decline that the doctors warned us about back in November last year.  He has already had one bad chest infection from aspirating food and is back on the pureed diet that he loathes, hence he is not really eating.  Toria coaxes him with food she takes in and tries regularly to get his meals upgraded to fork mash but so far, without success.  So he is still losing weight and there must be a limit to how much he can lose before his system finally gives up. 

In the meantime, I took most of March to volunteer at EarthHeart in the Forest of Dean and had a great time, if somewhat more challenging than expected, living in a dilapidated caravan, dismantling wood post and wire fences and learning some of the art of hedge laying, plus planting trees, clearing brambles, cooking for large groups of people and doing lots of chilling out.  A side effect that I really didn't anticipate was doing some really deep work, and having a huge amount of support from such conscious and aware people :-)  Some of it was very hard to deal with, but with a couple of breaks away, I really dug down into some core beliefs and core wounds and cleared quite a lot of stuff out.  And uncovered some things that I hadn't realised before.  I also decided to take Matt up on his offer of Life Coaching based on Inspiration (rather than goal-setting) and am already making more big changes in my life.  I have retired from IT Project Management and am now focused on finding more conscious people to spend time with as well as making more time for my close friends.  I have fostered a troubled little Yorkshire Terrier so I have a little dog around again, which is forcing me out into nature on a daily basis.  I am also meeting more people who can help and support me with his rehabilitation and life is full of fun and joy, and I am feeling much more in tune with my own needs.   I am moving further away from skydiving - it is a source of much frustration and disappointment, and although I still enjoy jumping with other people, I really don't get enough out of it to be bothered investing much time and effort in it.  I will see out the summer season, but don't intend to continue after that.  I loved training for the World Challenge and was very happy with how we performed for the most part (just love the statistic of being 4th in the UK in Rookie and 8th in the World, lol) but the UK weather has been diabolical for team training for FS 4-way so our team really isn't prepared for the UKSL at Langar in a couple of weeks.  So I will be training via fun jumps and the Sibson Scrambles instead, in order to inject a bit more enthusiasm into my hobby.  

Some drastic changes

So, some massive changes and some difficult times.

The Reiki retreat was a challenge - I was slightly late arriving because I'd had a difficult visit with dad who wasn't well again, and everyone else was fairly settled.  I was sharing a room so apart from walks, didn't really get much time on my own for the few days we were there.  And I was exhausted.  I slept every possible opportunity.  Every break, either before or after meals, each time my head hit the pillow, I was out cold.  And yet, never truly felt rested.  

The sessions were very interesting and I was fascinated to see how I could merge my shamanic work more thoroughly with Reiki.  We did treatments on each other and they were very powerful.  One of my last ones, I had 'nerves in my legs' healed, which really gave me a jolt.  Both mum and dad's illnesses have been to do with attacks on the central nervous system and I have been petrified of it happening to me!  

Not long after I got back, I had a call from dad's cleaner telling me he was really unwell and she didn't know what to do.  Later it transpired he had answered the door naked, and the whole house was covered in poo.  Quite literally.  Aga and I had a horrid time cleaning it all up - I did 7 loads of washing over 2 days to deal with it all :-(   And after being passed from pillar to post, GP to 111 to 999, eventually dad was admitted to a&e for rehydration.  Except that it turned out that although he was dehydrated, it was constipation that was the issue, not the runs, and he also was unable to pass urine.  After having nearly 1.5 litres drained from his bladder (with a little left in to prevent bladder collapse), a catheter was inserted and dad and I were left in a side room overnight.  I eventually left at 3am and went back to find that dad had been admitted properly with a UTI that was causing him massive confusion and delirium.  And basically this turned out to be the start of several months of stress and trauma.  Dad remained in hospital, moving between different wards, for nearly 7 weeks.  His medication was assessed and reassessed through hallucinations, psychosis and debilitating side effects.  He is now home but barely able to walk, at severe risk of falls, with carers attending several times a day.  Plus he is on 'acknowledged risk' feeding where there is a high risk of choking or taking food or drink into his lungs due his swallowing reflex failing.  Eating is one of the few pleasures he has left, so once it became obvious there was nothing more anyone could do for him, the restrictions were lifted.  We know it will reduce his life expectancy, probably quite drastically, assuming a bad fall or major infection don't get there first.  But we want him to have whatever quality of life we can manage, for whatever time he has left.  

It has become very obvious that he is not coping at home so we are trying to find a care home place for him as quickly as possible.  We always suspected that going home from hospital to his house was only an interim measure, to make the transition to a home less drastic, and now that has proved to be the case. 

Day 10 of 30

A bit of a strange day.  Woke around 8:30 after being late to bed and yet again, felt pretty unmotivated to do any work on my bedroom.  Eventually sorted myself out enough to head over to the Crystal Dragon to have a catch up with Clive, then spent the afternoon and evening with Caroline and the children which was great fun. 
After reading with Lucy and Michael, Caroline and I ended up spending about 5 hours (!!) building Lego models from all the pieces we had sorted out earlier.  A pretty decent collection of cars, planes and boats ended up on Michael's desk ready for him to play with when he gets home from his first day back at school tomorrow.  

I still haven't started packing for my Shamanic Reiki retreat which starts tomorrow and I have to fit in another visit to see dad and get his invoices paid beforehand.  And I really need to call a few agencies and get my CV sorted if I'm going to get a new job before the end of the month. 

Day 9 of 30

03 Sept and a busy day ahead was planned.  Except I couldn't get myself motivated enough to head over to dad's as I am completely exhausted.  So resting this morning, then will attempt some gentle climbing at lunchtime, followed by more chilling out this afternoon.  Maybe head over to dad's after that to sort his invoices.  
Don't feel too bad after the box-fit class last night, really hoping DOMS doesn't kick in tomorrow, lol.  Will head back over there for another session tomorrow evening and see how I get on.  Getting back into it is the hardest bit, so if I just stick at it for a few weeks, I should be fine :-)

Had a great climbing session and tackled some tough routes, though didn't manage to finish all of them.  More projects to work on :-)
Chill out session was fabulous, though I got home later than I expected.  Took the Porsche out for a run with the top down and although I enjoyed it, I don't think I will really miss it that much.

Day 8 of 30

Second day of September and the sun is back out after a couple of days of almost non-stop rain.  Perfect jumping weather and I'm at home stripping wallpaper, lol.  

Lots to think about and process after my session with Sebastian yesterday.  I can see how digging too deeply can cause people to come apart at the seams!  

Need to do a load of tidying up too as Jon is staying tonight as he has a job in London and I haven't even started on tackling the stuff I brought back from nearly 2 weeks camping.  Housework vs sunshine - hmmmm..... 

So didn't do much on the bedroom but did 3 loads of washing, tidied up, had an hour of climbing and then an hour of box-fit.  It was exhausting but I didn't do as badly as I thought I might.  Burpees hurt my back too much so I do squats instead, but managed to keep going through all of the interval sessions without slowing down too much.  I will definitely get fitter if I keep going, 3 minutes has rarely felt so long, lol.  Probably haven't got time to go back tomorrow as I have to see dad, then am climbing at lunchtime and off to Kestrel in the afternoon.  Will try to get back there on Thurs and sign up for the six week transformation programme.  I have to shift the last few pounds I put on (managed to drop several already) then see where my weight settles.  I've probably lost muscle as I haven't been really pushing it with the exercise so it will probably be a challenge to see a change in the scales.  Time to get the tape measure out again....

Day 7 of 30

01 Sept.
Have finished typing up the last few days journal entries so how are things today? 
Still a bit tired but slept well in my own bed.  Got a session with Sebastian this afternoon so need to get myself together and do some work on my bedroom before then.  Very little motivation to get back to it though the thought of T staying over on Wednesday is a bit of an incentive.  Since it is already past 11am, I had better get on with it, lol. 

Stripped a lot of wallpaper and now feel motivated enough to continue tomorrow, with the aim of finishing as much as possible by the end of the week.  Very tired now having had a 3 hour session with Sebastian and a pole class, plus have visited the new gym down the road and will be going to my first class tomorrow night.  The plan is to do a six week trial membership and get properly fit again, which is desperately needed.  I have lost a lot of my core strength and definitely need a lot more stamina.  

Made some juices before going to pole class so have ginger shots and tomorrow's daily dose already prepared :-)  I will get back on track!

Day 6 of 30

Woke up groggy yet again.  Desperately needed the loo but ignored it for over an hour to go back to sleep.  Need to go to bed earlier but that won't happen today as I'm in the tunnel from 7-8 with nearly 2 hours to drive home.
Definitely back to juicing tomorrow - hate feeling this lethargic.  And sort out the gym membership as I am sluggish and unfit plus I need to shift about a stone in weight.  Madame Podgy!

Took it easy with packing up, starting gradually in the morning with most of the contents of the bell tent whilst keeping the stall open.  Went to a Breath and Voice workshop with Gray (who forgot and was late, lol) which was intriguing even though I don't agree with all of his assertions.  He believes that our given birth name is what links us to our ancestors and needs to be honoured.  I believe that my name is a useful label that can be changed as circumstances dictate.  But I did enjoy the sounding of the vowels for each of our names and felt more confident with my own voice.  And I will do the exercises for my original given name as well as with my current name as there is obviously still more to be healed from my childhood.  Layers upon layers, I do find it somewhat depressing that there doesn't seem to be an end to it...

Tunnel was great fun and my side sliding has definitely improved, though still quite a way from perfect, lol.  Did some 3 way and that got better over the sessions too.  Still need to remember to point my toes to keep my legs from waving all over the place.  Got better with mantis position too - having my arms too high definitely makes me very floaty!  It's hard work to keep them down but will practice that in freefall when I've got lots of space for my wobbles!

Day 5 of 30

30 Aug.
Slept well after also having my nap yesterday when Ros was making her reindeer drum.  Feel very groggy now though and not particularly well rested.
Drew a Goddess card and got Coventina: Purification.  It is time for a cleansing detoxification of your body and mind.
That feels appropriate as I have been eating way too much junk over the last couple of weeks whilst camping.

Earth Magic card was Rainbow: Blessings.  It fell out of the pack but I put it back and carried on shuffling.  When it fell out again, I couldn't ignore it, lol. 

Workshop with Leo Rutherford on Star Maiden Circle.  Definitely shifted things for 2 people who went into the centre, and was very moving for the rest of us.  Very similar to Pip's 'Working in Council' though the directions had slightly different meanings.  The Medicine Wheel is also different to the Celtic Medicine Wheel with elements in different directions.  I guess we each use what works for us, it's more about working around the circle rather than trying to cross it.

Second workshop with Leo on Shamanic Journeying - spirit guide was Golden Eagle.  Live in your body, look after it!  Follows on from Goddess card this morning so more clear messages :-)  Journey to Lower World for myself.  Ros's suggestion of what NOT to do worked better than several previous intentions to find out what to do next.  Don't rent out house before Christmas, don't rekindle romantic relationship with Rich.  Possibly give up skydiving.  More clearing out.  Definitely sell Porsche.  Prepare for big shift. 

Day 4 of 30

Woke early, deactivated the alarm and went back to sleep.  Slept until 8 though could have gone later.  
Earth Magic card - Forest: Breath.  Need to take slow deep breaths and release.  
Goddess card - Isis: Past Life.  It tells me to do past life regression which was a workshop I rejected yesterday!
Bought an arctic wolf drum bag from Julie who has the stall opposite, even though my drum totem is a buzzard!  
Julie MacRobert, Child of Importance  macrobert1@tiscali.co.uk

Did the Past Life Regression workshop with Juanita and was partly bemused and partly disappointed.  Was very frustrating that she kept letting people in late then losing her train of thought.  We had a couple of volunteers and got the predictable 'death-by-hanging-and-I've-got-throat-chakra-issues' and a 'death-by-stabbing-and-I-have-pains-in-my-gut'.  I'm somewhat cynical about past life regression but then I don't think I've been here before and if I have any choice in the matter, I definitely won't be back.  When we did the meditation to go back to our past life that needed to be resolved, I ended up as an alien energy form, with feelings of being abandoned and alone, with very great loss, despite other beings there with me.  Also fairly predictable given my beliefs.  Not sure quite why I needed to go through the process but I'm learning to do as I'm told, lol.  

Drew a card to give me guidance on what to do with Rich and drew Vision Quest again!  So that is very clear and from our discussions so far, looks like it will be in October.  Took another one to see what I needed to learn from my experience with Jay and drew Whale - Breach.  Another fairly clear message so they do occasionally answer questions!!

Fell asleep watching Ros make a drum and dreamed about someone taking me to see his death in a car accident.  He wasn't upset about it and said he hadn't felt most of it.  Presumably that's my brain trying to process the workshop from earlier.  

Chatted with Ros a bit then got into bed properly.  Was holding Rich's wooden heart when he texted me at 11:30pm to say he could feel me and I was happy.  Had a brief chat via text then I fell asleep again.   

Day 3 of 30

Very varied day, got up early, finished packing and headed up to Sibson to try out Andy's rig.  Turned out to be much too big for me but Damo has one that may be suitable and Chris has given the go-ahead for me to get a 170 container with a 190 main.  Jumped the Nav 200 and stood up the landing - apart from turning slightly faster, it didn't really seem any different from the Nav 240 so will try and keep on the 200 from now on at Sib. 
Now at Clophill with Ros at Earthdance, setting up the bell tent, ready for selling drums and rattles and for 3 days of festival with various workshops :-)

Had a look at the programme and am very tempted by several workshops.  Definitely not getting up for 7am yoga though and will see what time I wake up before deciding about 7:30 mantra, lol. 

Lovely supper of baked potato, beans, cheese and salad for £3.50.  Haven't been back for cake yet but they looked amazing.  As before, wood burner in bell tent is super efficient and we are now melting!

Currently discussing options of Vision Quest weekends with Rich, and liaising with Ros to find out how to arrange it with the farmer.  What a turn up for the books!

Day 2 of 30

27 Aug 2014: 

Slept really deeply last night and was only woken by the sound of a text message. Considered going back to sleep but decided to get a few things done this morning before heading out to the climbing wall with Sam at lunchtime, then will see what the afternoon brings :-)

Haven't fully unpacked the car and am already gathering stuff together for my next trip (heading up to Earthdance on Thursday) so would like to make a bit of progress on the house before I leave.  Baby steps will do !  My bedroom is next on the target list, it will be great to have a restful place to sleep instead of walls that need paint stripping off and plastering.....

A few other little niggly jobs to do today, like booking a car service and MOT, starting the process of selling the Porsche and going shopping for things I need for my next camping trip.  Like a kettle!!

So I decided to draw a card for the month of September to see what might be in store - big shock to draw "Desert - Vision Quest"!!  I have been considering doing another Vision Quest for a while and nearly signed up to do a women-only one in the summer.  Then shied away from it, though also considered the September Quest in North Wales.  Other opportunities came up and again, I dropped the idea so I was more than a little startled to be presented with this one.  Though I have also offered to hold the space for someone else who wanted to do a Vision Quest on his own terms - maybe that would provide the solitude and quiet without needing to dedicate 11 days, a lot of money and a lot of travelling.  I figured I might need a Power Animal to go along with the Quest so pulled Squirrel  - Preparation: Get ready for BIG CHANGES (card emphasis, not mine!).  Whilst I was shuffling the deck, a card fell out face-down so I put it to one side.  When I turned it over, it was my very first Power Animal Koala - Empathy.  Getting side-swiped here, lol.  To top it all off, I drew a Goddess Guidance card since I'm obviously going to need some help with this little lot and got Mother Mary - Expect a Miracle.  Guess I'd better buckle my seatbelt and get ready for the ride.....

30 days of journaling - Day 1

26 August 2014.
My journaling has taken a bit of a holiday for several months.  I occasionally scribble in a notebook and I journal when on retreat or on courses, but mostly I have lost the habit.  Last month I was working with Hazel on the Celtic Tree journey and was supposed to journal every day.  I managed day 1 and that was it, lol.  So here is a new attempt to write something every day and see what comes up.

It is late in the evening and I have just got back from another day on Exmoor, this time with the Celtic Tree "Apple".  Technically, it should be Crab Apple as that is the only native species of apple in the UK, though they are difficult to find in the wild as they aren't edible and have mostly been supplanted by grafted species.  

August has been a turbulent month, with the loss of my beloved collie cross Lady and the breakup of a passionate but short-lived relationship.  My ex has reappeared in my life 8 months after I left him and there are tentative signs that perhaps we might be able to be friends after a fashion.  I am still very wary and am definitely not looking to rekindle anything, quite the opposite in fact.  
I had hoped to have finished doing up the house by the end of July and it looks like the end of August will also come and go before completion.  It definitely doesn't feel like home and the urge to move on is as strong as ever, though I am somewhat lacking in motivation at the moment.  

I have camped a lot in the last few months and I sleep better under canvas than I do anywhere else.  Glamping for my birthday weekend was fun, although somewhat tainted with losing Lady on the Friday I was supposed to go, and then officially splitting with Jay on the Monday which was also my birthday.  No great loss as I had already decided it wasn't working for me, though he was particularly immature and cowardly about ending things.  

The Wild Camp was not quite what I had anticipated, though I did get some very clear messages and again, sleeping in a tent worked well.  I could have slept a lot more than I did, the 7:30 drumming alarm was somewhat unwelcome, lol.  

I have gone back to skydiving after a 2 month break.  It took a couple of jumps to get my landings sorted again, but had a great time at Chatteris and did some more work towards my FS1 qualification.  I did actually do one jump at Sibson on the Saturday but I think Chatteris may well be my preferred dz now, especially if Sibson turns into a tandem factory which is looking likely. 

Came home and felt compelled to draw a card.  Couldn't decide which deck so started with "Earth Magic" and pulled Ancestors - Generations.  My Power Animal Oracle card was Dove (serenity) - Slow Down, pause and breathe, then my Goddess Guidance card was Aphrodite - Inner Goddess: Awaken the Goddess within you through dance, self-care and appreciating your divinity.  All very relevant to the messages and realisations I have had recently so I guess I'm heading in the right direction with going to the Earth Dance gathering this weekend :-) 

Healing - from a prompt in a writing circle :-)

Healing through writing: 30 Jan 2014

Prompt:  think about and then describe a space or place you would go to for healing. It can be a real location, or make one up. Get detailed about what it looks like, feels like, sounds like. Are you there alone or with others? How does being in this space/place make you feel? What qualities are healing? Have fun, let it flow, and write in whatever form and for however long feels good to you!

The place I would go to is real – a beach in Northern Spain that is reached by scrambling down a path through a pine forest.  The beach is long and golden, with roaring breakers of surf.  I have been there twice, once with my Spanish friend Rosalina (though I actually don’t remember that visit) and once alone when I walked several miles there from the nearest village whilst she was doing a course for the day.  It wasn’t the beach she had directed me to, I took a wrong turning and just kept going for some reason J

The sun is hot on my skin as I take off my clothes and wade into the warm water.  I can feel the sand slithering around under my feet as the waves suck the grains from under me, then the energy of the surging tide as the water comes rushing back in around my feet, ankles, calves and up over my knees.  I walk a little deeper so the water remains covering my lower legs, and is now swirling up and down to my waist.  I shiver, the water feels colder now as it touches the dry skin, though my legs are tingling and feel warm as I wriggle my feet deep into the shifting sand.  I hear gulls calling above me and the sound of children shouting and laughing a long way off down the beach.  This stretch is deserted so I have the luxury of solitude whilst feeling distantly connected to other people.  I let my hands dangle in the water – the tide is coming in so the water is deeper now, though I haven’t moved from my place.  I watch my hands float on the surface, bob up and down with the movement of the sea and I find myself musing on how alien they look in this environment.  Hands are not really designed for catching, holding, moving water – I am making no impression on the ocean at all as I stir the water, only when I lift my hands up and out, then drop them in again, making splashes, do I see a minor impact.  I splash more, dragging bubbles of air deep under the surface and watching them rise and explode at the surface.  They tickle when they touch my legs under the water and suddenly I want to swim and splash and play so I launch myself forward into the next wave and kick strongly.  And I can feel the power of the water around me, tugging and pulling at me, yet also supporting me.  Such a dichotomy – I am supported because I choose to be so, if I stop moving or hold my body differently, I will sink beneath the water.  Yet if I truly relax, I will float.  And the motion of being rocked washes away my worries, my fears, heals the places within me that cannot be touched any other way.  And I am reminded of the quote by Isak Dinesen, “The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea.” Y

This is my place :-)

 

Drumming with Isis at Crystal Dragon - 29 Jan

Had a fabulous drumming session with the lovely Heather at Crystal Dragon tonight.  Was lovely to see Carolyn and Amanda again, and to meet Helen and Mick. 

One of our activities was a journey for guidance on 2014.  I started in the woods where we had our visit to see the Alder trees and crossed the river on a log of Alder with Pippin scampering at my heels.  As I moved further into the woods, they turned into the pine forest in Spain with the pathway leading down to the beach.  I made my way down and started paddling in the ocean, which quickly turned to wading, then swimming.  My Goddess for 2014, Sedna, swam up to meet me surrounded by seals and her message to me was very clear: “Remember this is your year of transformation!”.  And I turned into a seal and swam and played with Sedna and the seals, plus some dolphins who also turned up J 

As we played, swimming and diving, I had a vision of the sand mandala I created last summer on the Reiki Retreat at Bluff Cove in Cornwall, where I wrote “I am free to live joyfully”.  Yes, definitely.  Much more joy and playing this year.  Sedna gently reminded me that I need to remember who I really am when I am happy and full of life and vitality.  The past year has dragged me down, I have not been happy for a very long time and it’s time to return to that carefree state. 

As the drum called me back, I came to the water’s edge and shed my Selkie seal skin to return back up the path to forest and to my log bridge to cross back over the river.  I thanked Sedna and the seals and dolphins for the messages and the playfulness and came back feeling very refreshed.

I was also given a healing session where I chose “letting go” as one of my main themes, along with Rest.  My ego really does need to take a break from control!!  As the drums played around me, I felt a Wyvern come up behind me and wrap his wings around me to shield me from outside influences and give me some respite.  Then either he became very large or I got very small, as he lifted me in his claws and flew up into the sky with me.  I could feel the drumming vibrating all around me as we were flying, and I was free from all restraints, just being lightly held as I felt the up and down sweep of the steady wingbeats carrying us along.